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Welcome to the ALISON Members Area

Step / Tradition / Concept of the Month
Number Two

Step#2

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Tradition #2

For our group purpose there is but one authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants—they do not govern.

Concept #2

The Al-Anon Family Groups have delegated complete administrative and operational authority to their Conference and its service arms..

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The Sharing Corner

 

" I love you " were the hardest words - making amends to my dad

By Dorothy A., Massachusetts


The hardest amends I have ever done was to my dad. My parents divorced when I was one year old. I only saw him on weekends or summers. He really wasn't around all that much. He lived with my grandparents who were more or less the caregivers.

Until I turned 20, I never once saw my dad sober and clean a day in my life. By then, he had developed health problems (strokes, heart surgeries, etc.) due to complications from years of being an active drinker. He was hospitalized for about two years, during which time he found some recovery; when he came home, he maintained his sobriety through various programs..

I always had so much shame, disrespect, anger, and disappointment for him. I remember feeling horrible inside because I truly didn't love my dad when I was young. I didn't know him - the real him buried in the disease.

He was always nice to me. He never raised his voice or hand to me, but he was never a parent either. He was never there for me emotionally, spiritually, or even physically, most times. I know now that he hid the worst of his disease by being absent in my life. As I child, I couldn't figure out if his niceness was really him or just an act. I just never connected with him in any way at all. It was as if he was out of reach, untouchable on any level, as far as I was concerned.

During the first five years of his recovery, I very slowly started to build a friendship with him. For the first time in my life, I got to know the man that my father was. One day I realized that my dad and I never said "I love you" to one another. ( My family says that a lot ). I was a little hurt at this realization until I thought, "Well, maybe he doesn't know how, after all he was an active drinker since he was 14 years old." Despite my own fear, one day on the phone, I told him that I loved him. There was dead silence on his end and he said, " Okay, goodbye."

I remember sitting there expecting to be hurt, but I wasn't. Instead, I was free from all my shame, resentment, and anger. I finally got to know my dad and could honestly admit to him and myself that I loved him. That made everything okay for me. That's where I found my amends; and it didn't matter what his response was. He ended up calling me back a minute later. He was crying, " I'm sorry, I meant to tell you I love you, too! " We now say we love each other every time we talk.

He's been sober and clean for 15 years now. I'm grateful for everyday that I have with him-the real him, the man behind the disease whom I have come to love so much. I never would have thought an amends could be found in those three words, "I love you"

Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqts., Inc. Virginia Beach, VA.


Previous Shares

 

Click on a link below to retrieve a previous Member Share.

 

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swan

 

Just for today: I will try to live through this day only,
and not tackle all my problems at once.
I can do something for twelve hours that
would appall me if I felt that I had to
keep it up for a lifetime.

 

Just for today: I will be happy. This
assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said,
"Most folks are as happy as they make up their
minds to be."

 

Just for today: I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will
take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself into it.

 

Just for today: I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study.
I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer.
I will read something that requires effort,
thought and concentration.

 

Just for today: I will exercise my soul
in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn,
and not get found out; if anyone knows of it, it will not count.
I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just
for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt;
they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

 

Just for today: I will be agreeable. I will
look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low,
be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won't find
fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate
anybody else but myself.

 

Just for today: I will have a program.
I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it.
I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

 

Just for today: I will have a quiet half
hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour,
sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of
my life.

 

Just for today: I will be unafraid.
Especially, I will not be afraid to notice what
is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the
world, so the world will give back to me.


dove

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Friends & Neighbors


 

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